New York City, baby.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Best Insult Since Shockey Called Parcells a Homo

His visit to reality television land was brief, nevertheless, he earned a spot in the pantheon of classic characters by virtue of a single epithet: Captain Douchebag.

For those who didn’t see last night’s episode of The Restaurant: Season 2 – and I pity you folks – you missed 20-year-old Drew The Intern punk-it-up like we’ve rarely seen it punked-up before. In fact, he took punking-it-up to The Next Level.

Drew The Intern is instructed by Rocco Dispirito’s pissed-off partner Jeffrey Chodorow to “just observe” what’s happening in the restaurant. Having taken too many of his Steinbrenner Jr. Asshole chewable tablets, he transforms into a pumped-up version of this dude by way of this dude.

In one day, he manages to step on the toes of the entire staff including Rocco’s 79-year-old meatball-making mother, serve drinks despite being underage, claim to have 15 years' experience in the industry, and question Rocco’s wisdom on almost every matter, including his decision to have a fresh squeezed orange juice machine.

But Drew The Intern’s piece de resistance comes right after he arrogantly takes over the hosting duties at the front door. That's when Rocco calls. Drew answers. Why are you answering the phone? asks Rocco.

He tells Drew he shouldn’t answer the phone because he has no training as a host. Don’t do it again. He then asks Drew to put on the real hostess.

As Drew The Intern hands her the phone he says: “It’s Captain Douchebag.”

Fabulously, he doesn’t even put his hand over the receiver before hurling the insult.

Cut to Rocco, sitting in his office, wearing a stunned expression. “Did he just call me a douchebag?”

Moments later, Rocco jumps in his silver sports car and goes to the restaurant to deal with the bratty interloper.

"You are not welcome here," Rocco tells Drew (right in the middle of the restaurant! Priceless!) "You are fired as an intern. Please leave." Rocco then tells his staff: "Make sure he leaves and does not come back. And if he comes back, shoot him."

And with that, the Drew The Intern era comes to a close. But not before another chapter in the book of classic reality television moments is written.

For those of you who are interested in meeting Drew The Intern, he will be signing cocktail napkins at 60 Thom while simultaneously hitting on girls at the bar.

(The kind of girls, as he will tell his posse of untucked-dress-shirt-and-wet-look goons, that he could “score in a second’)

Go Drew. Go Drew. Go Drew.


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