Blubox’s Guide To Delusion

LEVEL 1 (la-la land) — LEVEL 10 (straight-jacket time):


John Edwards: 1

Edward’s pollster Harrison Hickman, commenting on whether the candidate with the most sunshine on his shoulder would continue on if he loses in Virginia and Tennessee next week: “They don’t stop the ballgame after three innings.” Could he be more specific: does he mean the top or the bottom of the third?

Virginia Fields: 2

The Manhattan borough president must have slipped on some slushy Columbus Circle snow and hit her head before telling Newsday that the Time Warner Center would “certainly re-energize the neighborhood.” Wait, the Upper West Side was once energized. Shit. When?

Warner Brothers: 3

How long have we waited for Owen Wilson to play a “likeable drifter” in a comedy caper set in Hawaii… hang on… co-starring Morgan Freeman? If we have to endure as much as a trailer for this movie, we’ll get busy dyin’.

American Idol Contestant Lisa Wilson: 4

We don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Being delusional is not always a bad thing in our book. Take Lisa Wilson. This Georgia peach is lightly tethered to reality, but in a really hot way. When all the other contestants were feverishly working all night writing their own songs to sing for the judges the next day, where was Lisa? Flirting with a guy in the pool.

The next day she came into the audition and had nothing -- couldn’t remember a thing. She just smiled cutely and told the judges, “It’s too bad. It was a really cute song.”

If this wasn’t reason enough to adore her, check out the reaction she garners from serious-minded, knowledgeable fans like the one who writes this American-Idol blog:

“Model Girl - this is absolutely INSANE that this piece of work keeps making the cuts. We haven't actually seen her sing a single freakin' note yet this week. Not one clip of her even remotely measuring up to anyone remaining. How could she have learned her songs? She can't hear the music anymore - too much hot tub water in her ears.”

Martha Stewart: 5

For thinking she could get away with being a total meanie to an ecstasy-ingesting clubkid/rookie Merrill Lynch broker. You want proof that nobody puts Baby in the corner, check out this email that star witness Douglas Faneuil sent to his bud: “Martha yelled at me again today, but I snapped in her face and she actually backed down! Baby put Ms. Martha in her place.” Swayze told ya, but you didn't want to listen.

Number 6 through 10 on Monday.