WORST WRITING OMISSION

QUENTIN TARANTINO, KILL BILL: VOL. 1

Let's call a spade a spade. The notorious PR machine of Miramax must have helped secure Dirty Pretty Things, an unsung thriller, with a writing nomination.

We don’t want to make waves between old buddies, but maybe Harvey and his henchman didn’t push so hard for a certain other Miramax film.

And maybe Tarantino should have Harvey over his house and they should drink all night and then maybe, all fueled up on coke, Tarantino should suddenly be standing in his living room, holding a sharp Bushido blade and, you know, waving it around Harvey’s fat head, jokingly of course. And then maybe just as the awkward drug-related paranoia hanging in the air red-lines, Tarantino can ask Harvey why some below-the-radar indie starring that Amelie chick got nominated. Yet he didn’t. And he could say, swinging the sword dangerously close to Harvey’s groin, still jokingly of course, “Hey, Harvey, wasn’t your company built on the success of my early hits? Or was it that fuckin' Amelie chick who helped make you a stinking rich mogul? Huh, Harvey? Huh?”

Bottom line: had this movie been penned by an unknown first-time writer, Academy voters would have been wildly jumping around, naked, lathered in popcorn butter.

Head up, QT. Head up.