New York City, baby.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Unveiling The Asshole Jock behind The Affable World Leader

Lately, we just want to cover our heads in a sleeping bag lying on the leafy floor of a forest. The stimulation of the city coupled with the discouraging state of humanity is having bad effects on our head. We need to sleep for a week. See no paved streets for a month. See no George Bush for a summer.

Watching Bush shower compliments on Bill Clinton at the unveiling of the former president's official portrait, made us want to blowtorch the smirky prick smile off his face.

Bush is the mean-spirited student leader who punches poor skinny Mahesh in the hall, torturing him daily. And when the teacher walks by and half-catches Bush in an act of hallway cruelty what does he do? Puts one arm around Mahesh and gives a big "we're all buddies here" smile. And when the teacher walks away, Bush tightly squeezes that arm around Mahesh, turning the moment of mock friendship into one of Darwinistic victimization.

The Clever-Cocky Prick never gets caught. The teachers will always recall him as a good kid that everyone liked. The pretty popular girl never sees him for the scumbag he is. And if she does somehow discover he's an asshole, it's long after he's added her to his "no longer a virgin" list.

We bet Bush, many years ago, had a good time telling his frat buddies, as he played ping pong, about all the "dumb Texas chicks" he cleverly persuaded into regretable first time sex. Hell, in a moment away from the wives, he probably shared an amusing locker room story or two with Bubba after the portrait unveiling.

But don't be suckered by his act, Bill. Don't be seduced by the dark side. Sure, he could be a fun guy to have a beer with. But we promise, your soul will be much better off if you hang out with Mahesh instead. We hear he's an environmental lawyer living in Atlanta, raising two beautiful daughters with his wife, a medical researcher who's working on a cure for multiple sclerosis.

Let your kind, caring side win out, Bill. And let's hope our country's kind, caring side wins out in November. Until then, we'll be in our cubicle daydreaming of starry skies and sleeping bags.


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